Introduction

When I woke up that morning, I knew something wasn't right. It’s that nagging feeling, that nausea feeling that almost overwhelms you and instills fear in you, but no matter what you can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from. It could have been anything; it could've been nothing. I remember thinking, its nothing, I assorted it to the fact that less than 24 hours ago, my uncle was freed from the grips of Frontal Temporal Dementia. After a loss, no day is ever the same as before. I assumed this day was not going to feel any better than what it was.

July 4, 2015, a day a veteran celebrates, a day families celebrate the Independence of our country. For me, this year, I was headed to work, job number two had the potential to put more money in my savings and my uncle well, he would have told me to go to work and not to mourn him. Even knowing that, that feeling, that horrible nagging feeling would not go away.

Dave hadn’t been feeling good for weeks, different medicines, different doctors, and the run around from the VA, and he was not getting better. I had made previous arrangements for Dave mom and dad to come stay with him, I'm not sure why I had asked, but I did. The twins as normally planned would go spend the day with their auntie and grandparents along with many other close family friends and celebrate the day. At least five times that day I told myself, “you have to go to work”. Everything was up in the air including my relationship with Dave; I was grieving, hurting and angry so I worked.

That day I arrive at work around noon. I quickly found myself scrounging for smile. Every free second I had I was checking my phone; what I was looking for I didn't know. As the day wore on, celebrations continued around me, but there was nothing about my day worth celebrating. As the time for the fireworks arrived I sent Dave a text message telling him I loved him. The only response i got back that day was “I love you too, I don't like the fireworks, I'm going to lay down”.

I had made arranges for the twins to stay with Grandma and Papa for the night, so I was not picking them up after midnight that night. By the time it was time for me to leave, I found myself feeling the need that I needed to go home. I thought to myself “Sammie your exhausted, your sad, just finish your shift”. My focus was nowhere to be found that day and I needed to recoup. Finally, my day was over, I left work at 1230am, and texted my cousin who was still up celebrating to make sure she was safe, that nagging feeling was still there. I never got to respond back to her.

I arrived home around 1am and just as Dave had said , he was laying down. As I laid in bed next to him, I realized something was right, what I thought was drool was foam, what I thought was snoring was him barely breathing. By 1:07am he was in the ambulance being intubated. By 7am two code blues sounded over the speakers at the hospital, By 7:30am he was gone. The next face his mother and i saw, was the Chaplin.